tanhaBuilding the House: Bricks and Mortar
June 8th 2007 07:26
The foundations are down on good soil. The two who propose to marry and build the house have done the groundwork and laid the right foundations of truth and the Word of God as their code of behaviour for life. They understand each other because they have the code in common and both believe it firmly.
The choice of partner is excruciatingly important, because it gives the house its structure and presentation for life. The quality of bricks and mortar is far more important than colour and style. Even though colour and style are meaningful, they will fall apart unless the high quality is present. A friend of mine once had to tear down the walls of his new house because the bricks were running in wavy lines and the mortar was far too dry and sandy. He’d had to pay attention to a sick wife while the house was being built, and it was a very poor job. The bricks were handsome indeed, but improperly disciplined (laid) and useless. The mortar was too thin.
So with people! It’s not what is on the surface that counts, but what is underneath (as in the iceberg, it’s what is underneath that really counts more than what shows up top). Choose your partner with the greatest of care. Write down what is important to you about choosing a partner. Then categorise the points into “essential” and “desirable” factors. I hear of so many that give favours to a partner, only to be let “carrying the baby” quite literally, or getting contracted into a marriage of abuse. It seems these days, that the gentle men are not really admired until the woman has suffered an abusive relationship, and is then able to appreciate a man who is not so “exciting” but is stable and kindly. He, then, doesn’t necessarily want to bring up somebody else’s children.
Girls and boys, don’t just fall into relationships and hope they work. Marriage is not a matter of luck, but of wisdom, planning and diligence. You don’t just try out a career and hope it works! You consider very carefully first, investing a lot of restraint and care into the choice. It should be even more so with your marriage.
I’m not even going to consider relationships outside of marriage here because they are all a matter of using a partner until/incase something better comes along. It’s a matter of hedging your bets and using people for the time being. In other words it’s abuse. There is no respect where abuse is proffered. When the relationship breaks up at least one partner is badly traumatized. Check around among your friends and see if that’s not right! There’s only one relationship that’s important in life and that’s the right one. Anything else is a disaster. Expect respect and give it. Sex is 100% safe in a well-matched marriage and 100% unsafe outside of it.
The bricks, don’t you know, have to be fired before they can be used with mortar. There is a definite, prescribed preparation (learning and strong disciplining process in human terms) Preparation for marriage is no light thing, and without it the bricks will fail. They’ll wash away in the rain! Men, look to your models! Where are your marriage mentors, because you need them in order to become a great marriage partner. Find older men who have been really successful in marriage, have contented wives and fully functional adult children, and hang around them constantly. You can only learn the tricks of this trade by example. The Bible gives you lots of instruction that can be applied to marriage, but a successful mentor (who has been able to apply this knowledge) is a great help. Men, in this day and age, lack confidence because feminism has pulled the rug out from under their feet. To overcome this problem much help is needed and for real success the whole social trends must change and return men to leadership role in the family. They must again take responsibility. Don’t submit to control but be responsible for your own behaviour, and everyone’s best interests. The bricks are the strength of the wall. That’s your role too. Don’t be ignorant about what this means. It’s vital.
Likewise girls, find a wife/mother with a successful adult family around her, who remain constantly in touch and communications with her. Do not be afraid to ask her “how “. Be filled with the Bible teachings about how to handle husbands and children. So much depends on you. Your are the mortar in the family and your hand in everything enables it to be its best!. Your work is largely hidden and unrecognized, but don’t let that worry you. God knows! You actually hold things together in amazing and creative ways, creating the right environment for the bricks and inner linings of the walls (children?). What could be more important than this? Do it well and your children will honour you. Now that’s a reward worth having!
Next chapter – lining the house with – children.
The choice of partner is excruciatingly important, because it gives the house its structure and presentation for life. The quality of bricks and mortar is far more important than colour and style. Even though colour and style are meaningful, they will fall apart unless the high quality is present. A friend of mine once had to tear down the walls of his new house because the bricks were running in wavy lines and the mortar was far too dry and sandy. He’d had to pay attention to a sick wife while the house was being built, and it was a very poor job. The bricks were handsome indeed, but improperly disciplined (laid) and useless. The mortar was too thin.
So with people! It’s not what is on the surface that counts, but what is underneath (as in the iceberg, it’s what is underneath that really counts more than what shows up top). Choose your partner with the greatest of care. Write down what is important to you about choosing a partner. Then categorise the points into “essential” and “desirable” factors. I hear of so many that give favours to a partner, only to be let “carrying the baby” quite literally, or getting contracted into a marriage of abuse. It seems these days, that the gentle men are not really admired until the woman has suffered an abusive relationship, and is then able to appreciate a man who is not so “exciting” but is stable and kindly. He, then, doesn’t necessarily want to bring up somebody else’s children.
Girls and boys, don’t just fall into relationships and hope they work. Marriage is not a matter of luck, but of wisdom, planning and diligence. You don’t just try out a career and hope it works! You consider very carefully first, investing a lot of restraint and care into the choice. It should be even more so with your marriage.
I’m not even going to consider relationships outside of marriage here because they are all a matter of using a partner until/incase something better comes along. It’s a matter of hedging your bets and using people for the time being. In other words it’s abuse. There is no respect where abuse is proffered. When the relationship breaks up at least one partner is badly traumatized. Check around among your friends and see if that’s not right! There’s only one relationship that’s important in life and that’s the right one. Anything else is a disaster. Expect respect and give it. Sex is 100% safe in a well-matched marriage and 100% unsafe outside of it.
The bricks, don’t you know, have to be fired before they can be used with mortar. There is a definite, prescribed preparation (learning and strong disciplining process in human terms) Preparation for marriage is no light thing, and without it the bricks will fail. They’ll wash away in the rain! Men, look to your models! Where are your marriage mentors, because you need them in order to become a great marriage partner. Find older men who have been really successful in marriage, have contented wives and fully functional adult children, and hang around them constantly. You can only learn the tricks of this trade by example. The Bible gives you lots of instruction that can be applied to marriage, but a successful mentor (who has been able to apply this knowledge) is a great help. Men, in this day and age, lack confidence because feminism has pulled the rug out from under their feet. To overcome this problem much help is needed and for real success the whole social trends must change and return men to leadership role in the family. They must again take responsibility. Don’t submit to control but be responsible for your own behaviour, and everyone’s best interests. The bricks are the strength of the wall. That’s your role too. Don’t be ignorant about what this means. It’s vital.
Likewise girls, find a wife/mother with a successful adult family around her, who remain constantly in touch and communications with her. Do not be afraid to ask her “how “. Be filled with the Bible teachings about how to handle husbands and children. So much depends on you. Your are the mortar in the family and your hand in everything enables it to be its best!. Your work is largely hidden and unrecognized, but don’t let that worry you. God knows! You actually hold things together in amazing and creative ways, creating the right environment for the bricks and inner linings of the walls (children?). What could be more important than this? Do it well and your children will honour you. Now that’s a reward worth having!
Next chapter – lining the house with – children.
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