tanhaRelationship Reality
December 2nd 2006 02:33
I’ve talked to many sufferers of domestic violence. In a small degree I suffered it myself, but hadn’t realized what it was! I must admit, I wasn’t much good at suffering it (putting up with it, I mean, tolerating it) You see, I had a dad that wanted only the best for me, so it came as a frightful shock and I exploded out of it without thinking about it too much! But I engaged with it again, and then again! How absolutely ridiculous! I didn’t understand what was happening.
But God has decreed that all things work together for good to those who are called… .. So He has turned it around so that I now recognize any form of violence a mile off, and challenge it immediately. I’d like everyone to be able to do the same.
That is entirely possible! You see, it’s not that difficult! There is a cycle of violence. The violence is first perpetrated. That could be a physical attack of some sort. On no account is there any excuse for that! Of course it will be considered the fault of the victim who “made me do it”. What a lie! The violence can come in other forms – the restriction of friendships and normal family relationships, unreasonable control of financial affairs, restriction of liberty, unwarranted jealousy, even nagging, insinuating, manipulating verbally, threatening, withdrawal, cold shoulder treatment, infidelity, temper tantrums (they should have been dealt with at age three, but some people found them effective then and never gave them up!), telling you in various ways how stupid, inadequate, ‘lucky to have him/her because no-one else would want you’ you are. Every one of these is violence. Every one is intolerable. Every example should be stopped in its tracks.
Listen carefully to the conversation of the proposed “friend”. How they talk about other people in their lives is exactly how they will talk about you one day! Is that what you want? If you have any doubts at all, then don’t go there! Listen to your gut feelings. They are a gift of God! In this case, don’t give people the benefit of the doubt! Give yourself the benefit of the doubt and KEEP AWAY! You might want a relationship, but you don’t want it that badly!
Sometimes the perpetrator of overt violence is sorry, repentant, will never do it again etc.
Well, not until next time anyway.
This behaviour has been very thoroughly established and, short of a miracle, will not go away. The repentance and flowers never last. Tension will build again until the explosion recurs. Over the years the explosions become more arrogant and more frequent. Promises are only temporary covers for favours that are required. They have no meaning. The violence will recur. Believe me, the cycle was well entrenched long before ever you met her – or him! Behaviour patterns do not adjust themselves. Don’t wait for the next attack, in whatever form you expect it. It will certainly come, and since the perpetrator got away with it last time, it will be progressively worse each time.
Look for the next article, I will discuss what you should look for in a relationhip (of any kind – friendship, marriage, business, etc).
But God has decreed that all things work together for good to those who are called… .. So He has turned it around so that I now recognize any form of violence a mile off, and challenge it immediately. I’d like everyone to be able to do the same.
That is entirely possible! You see, it’s not that difficult! There is a cycle of violence. The violence is first perpetrated. That could be a physical attack of some sort. On no account is there any excuse for that! Of course it will be considered the fault of the victim who “made me do it”. What a lie! The violence can come in other forms – the restriction of friendships and normal family relationships, unreasonable control of financial affairs, restriction of liberty, unwarranted jealousy, even nagging, insinuating, manipulating verbally, threatening, withdrawal, cold shoulder treatment, infidelity, temper tantrums (they should have been dealt with at age three, but some people found them effective then and never gave them up!), telling you in various ways how stupid, inadequate, ‘lucky to have him/her because no-one else would want you’ you are. Every one of these is violence. Every one is intolerable. Every example should be stopped in its tracks.
Listen carefully to the conversation of the proposed “friend”. How they talk about other people in their lives is exactly how they will talk about you one day! Is that what you want? If you have any doubts at all, then don’t go there! Listen to your gut feelings. They are a gift of God! In this case, don’t give people the benefit of the doubt! Give yourself the benefit of the doubt and KEEP AWAY! You might want a relationship, but you don’t want it that badly!
Sometimes the perpetrator of overt violence is sorry, repentant, will never do it again etc.
Well, not until next time anyway.
This behaviour has been very thoroughly established and, short of a miracle, will not go away. The repentance and flowers never last. Tension will build again until the explosion recurs. Over the years the explosions become more arrogant and more frequent. Promises are only temporary covers for favours that are required. They have no meaning. The violence will recur. Believe me, the cycle was well entrenched long before ever you met her – or him! Behaviour patterns do not adjust themselves. Don’t wait for the next attack, in whatever form you expect it. It will certainly come, and since the perpetrator got away with it last time, it will be progressively worse each time.
Look for the next article, I will discuss what you should look for in a relationhip (of any kind – friendship, marriage, business, etc).
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Comment by ChrisM
Comment by Helen's House
Thank you for your response.
It seems I have not been clear about the abuse, Apologies for that. It certainly did not come from my father, but from marriage. That's why it so shocked me when it did arrive! I had an excellent impression of men from dad. And, wonderfully, I find there are still great men to be found at times. They are men of principle, not swayed by peer pressure, and able to take responsibility for family and show a real interest in their children. When they make a commitment they stick to it and their word is their bond. You can believe them and trust their word! How about that in this day and age!
I'm interested in a couple of your topics, so I'm off to your site now! Catch you there.
Comment by ChrisM
not at all, my apologies, i wrote the reply when i was tired and somewhat hazy. im really happy that you are able to see the beauty in individuals after all that you have undergone.
be safe.