tanhaPatience and Intolerance
October 31st 2006 10:44
Patience is a beautiful quality. You see it when mothers wait for children at dance classes or football practice, when teachers explain principles over and over until they are understood, when carers encourage the aged or infirm who can no longer do what they once did easily.
People can test your patience. How do you handle it? With anger? This is not necessarily the right use of anger. How then? With love. What is the best attitude to take to the child (or person) who is testing how far they can go? What is their need at this point? Usually it is to know the boundaries – how far they can go without damaging relationships. What is your best response? Probably it is to tell them the limits and the consequences of going past the boundaries – and then if they do overstep the mark, permit them to experience the consequence. Don’t take it from them because then they will again test your patience seeing that they got away with it the first time.
There is a time for everything, for patience and for intolerance, Intolerance is basically a teacher, because people, having felt intolerance, will often not push that way again. Others will, and should take the consequences, be it gaol or a break in the friendship. They need the consequence in order to learn.
I once had a boarder who wanted to be assured I would not ask him to leave. He had experienced this before and it was not pleasant. I said that I didn’t have any reason to think I would have to do that. However, when he eventually turned up at home for the third time under the influence of drugs I said, ’Well, now I do have to ask you to leave.” It was not something I was prepared to tolerate. Patience is not designed for making one into a victim. It has the creative purpose of waiting for the fulfilment of a plan or vision. Another boarder had a very energetic child with a musical gift, so it was delightful and worthwhile to teach that child, patiently directing his energies, and see him progress.
People can test your patience. How do you handle it? With anger? This is not necessarily the right use of anger. How then? With love. What is the best attitude to take to the child (or person) who is testing how far they can go? What is their need at this point? Usually it is to know the boundaries – how far they can go without damaging relationships. What is your best response? Probably it is to tell them the limits and the consequences of going past the boundaries – and then if they do overstep the mark, permit them to experience the consequence. Don’t take it from them because then they will again test your patience seeing that they got away with it the first time.
There is a time for everything, for patience and for intolerance, Intolerance is basically a teacher, because people, having felt intolerance, will often not push that way again. Others will, and should take the consequences, be it gaol or a break in the friendship. They need the consequence in order to learn.
I once had a boarder who wanted to be assured I would not ask him to leave. He had experienced this before and it was not pleasant. I said that I didn’t have any reason to think I would have to do that. However, when he eventually turned up at home for the third time under the influence of drugs I said, ’Well, now I do have to ask you to leave.” It was not something I was prepared to tolerate. Patience is not designed for making one into a victim. It has the creative purpose of waiting for the fulfilment of a plan or vision. Another boarder had a very energetic child with a musical gift, so it was delightful and worthwhile to teach that child, patiently directing his energies, and see him progress.
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Comment by Lilla
From The Home Front
Enviro Warrior
Dream Herald
Esoteric Bookshop
I liked this post, as so much can be lost and gained by patience, or lack of it.
Thanks for the reminder,
Lilla...
Comment by Helen's House
You are right about much being gained or lost by patience. There is a balance of things that always needs to be struck, and the wisdom is in finding it. This is why it's so valuable to study scripture. It constantly brings to mind thethings we need to know for truth and balance. We are taught strongly to develop patience. It takes some doing, but develops much character in a man or woman.
Now character is a beautiful word. It means two things I think. The common meaning today is funny, someone who makes us laugh. But the old meaning had to do with developing backbone, the ability to be strong in difficult circumstances and to take wise direction of the best possible outcome. Love a person with backbone or character. They have a trustworthy style!