The foundations are down on good soil. The two who propose to marry and build the house have done the groundwork and laid the right foundations of truth and the Word of God as their code of behaviour for life. They understand each other because they have the code in common and both believe it firmly.
The choice of partner is excruciatingly important, because it gives the house its structure and presentation for life. The quality of bricks and mortar is far more important than colour and style. Even though colour and style are meaningful, they will fall apart unless the high quality is present. A friend of mine once had to tear down the walls of his new house because the bricks were running in wavy lines and the mortar was far too dry and sandy. He’d had to pay attention to a sick wife while the house was being built, and it was a very poor job. The bricks were handsome indeed, but improperly disciplined (laid) and useless. The mortar was too thin.
So with people! It’s not what is on the surface that counts, but what is underneath (as in the iceberg, it’s what is underneath that really counts more than what shows up top). Choose your partner with the greatest of care. Write down what is important to you about choosing a partner. Then categorise the points into “essential” and “desirable” factors. I hear of so many that give favours to a partner, only to be let “carrying the baby” quite literally, or getting contracted into a marriage of abuse. It seems these days, that the gentle men are not really admired until the woman has suffered an abusive relationship, and is then able to appreciate a man who is not so “exciting” but is stable and kindly. He, then, doesn’t necessarily want to bring up somebody else’s children.
Girls and boys, don’t just fall into relationships and hope they work. Marriage is not a matter of luck, but of wisdom, planning and diligence. You don’t just try out a career and hope it works! You consider very carefully first, investing a lot of restraint and care into the choice. It should be even more so with your marriage.
I’m not even going to consider relationships outside of marriage here because they are all a matter of using a partner until/incase something better comes along. It’s a matter of hedging your bets and using people for the time being. In other words it’s abuse. There is no respect where abuse is proffered. When the relationship breaks up at least one partner is badly traumatized. Check around among your friends and see if that’s not right! There’s only one relationship that’s important in life and that’s the right one. Anything else is a disaster. Expect respect and give it. Sex is 100% safe in a well-matched marriage and 100% unsafe outside of it.
The bricks, don’t you know, have to be fired before they can be used with mortar. There is a definite, prescribed preparation (learning and strong disciplining process in human terms) Preparation for marriage is no light thing, and without it the bricks will fail. They’ll wash away in the rain! Men, look to your models! Where are your marriage mentors, because you need them in order to become a great marriage partner. Find older men who have been really successful in marriage, have contented wives and fully functional adult children, and hang around them constantly. You can only learn the tricks of this trade by example. The Bible gives you lots of instruction that can be applied to marriage, but a successful mentor (who has been able to apply this knowledge) is a great help. Men, in this day and age, lack confidence because feminism has pulled the rug out from under their feet. To overcome this problem much help is needed and for real success the whole social trends must change and return men to leadership role in the family. They must again take responsibility. Don’t submit to control but be responsible for your own behaviour, and everyone’s best interests. The bricks are the strength of the wall. That’s your role too. Don’t be ignorant about what this means. It’s vital.
Likewise girls, find a wife/mother with a successful adult family around her, who remain constantly in touch and communications with her. Do not be afraid to ask her “how “. Be filled with the Bible teachings about how to handle husbands and children. So much depends on you. Your are the mortar in the family and your hand in everything enables it to be its best!. Your work is largely hidden and unrecognized, but don’t let that worry you. God knows! You actually hold things together in amazing and creative ways, creating the right environment for the bricks and inner linings of the walls (children?). What could be more important than this? Do it well and your children will honour you. Now that’s a reward worth having!
Next chapter – lining the house with – children.
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Foundations
The foundations of any house must be adequate to stand up to whatever the terrain will perpetrate on them. In Darwin, Australia they build houses to withstand cyclones like the one that wiped out the city in the 70s. In Adelaide they have to build strong enough to cope with clay soil that cracks wide open when the summer is dry. Steel rods are inserted into the foundations to keep the whole together and resist any soil movement.
In similar fashion a life will be buffeted by many a storm and trouble. There must be a solid framework of unbreakable steel (truth) built into it or the house is likely to come apart when the stiff winds blow or the ground moves. So fortunate children grow up with Bible truth, learning its verses by heart and having discussions about their meaning with their fathers. Yes, I said their fathers, because it is the fathers that God charged with the education of the children. Have you noticed that when a family breaks up it is the father that usually retains the family friends. It will often be the father whose lifestyle most influences the children. Father is head of the house according to scripture, and it is to father that everybody mostly looks. It is up to father to establish the ground rules within the family and to supervise them, to see that the children honour their mother in his absence and respect the systems he has put in place. He is to teach his children many things that will help them be certain and effective in their behaviours as they grow and advance to adulthood. ‘Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it” says the Scripture. Certainly the things learned (or not learned) in childhood will form a powerful life base for the adult. If this is not well laid the child will have greater difficulty in learning the essentials during his 20s or 30s or later. It would require a whole reconstruction of life. Occasionally a child’s life does get interfered with by some force either outside of or within the family and this planned and delicate balance is over-ridden. However sometimes the young adult will re-invest in family values. But the establishment of family values and certainty is most important. Those values are written in scripture, so they are there and available for any family, As the city council insists on the placing of a steel network in the foundations to cope with soil movement, so it is essential that a strong network of truth and values be given each child so that he knows how to handle any situation that should arise to challenge him in his life..
NB Don’t use weak “truth” such as “your truth” which is no truth at all. The laws of physics are not relative and neither is the truth about humankind and how we work. The house will crack and fall down. “My truth” doesn’t relate to anything at all except my imagination, and is no foundation for anything. The Bible is truth given by God from generation to generation over two thousand years. It is powerful for setting a man and his household up for life. Give this strength to your family.
Yes girls, I know you want to raise the feminist arguments of the last century. They arose because of your hurts, pain and mistreatment, and because you care for one another. But in a marriage, your part is that of keeping the infrastructure together. If the fellas are bricks, you are the mortar. The marriage doesn’t stand without you and the quality of the mortar is most important to the house. It’s just that the bricks are the eye-catching feature, even if the mortar is equally essential. See what happens if the mortar goes chalky and disintegrates from the house. The bricks will crumble in a quivering pile. Let neither think s/he is the all important part. Together they make a fabulous structure. The structure is much greater than either of them!
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