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Truth Wisdom Freedom - The Truth will set you free!

Truth Wisdom Freedom - April 2007

Self-Confidence v Humility

April 27th 2007 06:13
Your text goes hereYour text goes hereHumility v Self-Confidence!

So much importance is attached to the projection of “confidence” these days, especially if you are in the sales business. The “confident” personality is up there in lights, and certainly gets all the attention. However, often the attention is not warranted as many an abused person can attest. I notice that only after finally exiting an abusive marriage does a person look for and value a partner with the real old-fashioned virtues of stability, gentleness, faithfulness, and – yes – humility.


I’m not saying, of course, that all confident people are abusive. That is ridiculous. What I am saying is that you have to look under the confidence to see what is there to back it up.

In some cultures the men can do no wrong, and of course they are a confident lot. However, sensitivity is not their great forte! Understanding is not a priority.

In other cultures women have taken ultra-feminism to heart, and, confident of their philosophy, have become unreasonably demanding.

So what is the counter to these self-promoting forms of confidence? Is it humility? Does that mean ineffectiveness, incompetence, unassertiveness etc? What are the qualities to look for that balance normal, healthy confidence?

The word ‘humility’ has been assassinated in modern culture. I think the process involved some kind of decapitation! It has been given a low-caste meaning, a headless wandering image.

But if the truth be known it’s a magnificent, powerful, gentle word. I think that it means having a truthful assessment of one’s place in the world, of one’s talent and consequent responsibilities, of what is possible and what is not real. It describes a person who is a living, feeding, contributing part of society as a whole and not an isolated, disconnected individual. It is a person who is keen to continue learning and understanding, who values other people whatever strata of society they inhabit, and who offers all that they are to the society in which they live. They see opportunity of benefit, and give into it, not looking for ‘name in lights’ recognition for the gift. Their strong confidence is in truth, wisdom, hope and love, rather than in themselves. They have a vision very much bigger than the one they see in the mirror every morning. Very often overlooked, they are the diamonds of community!


Dig for a diamond this week!
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Some Thoughts about Jealousy

April 19th 2007 15:02
How I love the Christian way, where couples are taught to prefer one another, ie to consider the other's feeling before ones own and not to do that which hurts the other.

Some will say this is too confining. Why should I not go out with other men (or women) alone to lunch? Answer: because you wouldn't like your partner doing that to you. (Do unto others as you would have them do unto you).The question is, what is important to you? Is it time re-igniting old flames (which burn), or is this relationship and all it could become of greater importance? You can't have it both ways. In other words, flirting outside of one's primary relationship stinks and is calculated to destroy it. There is no sound reason why a "partner" should be required to put up with it. This "right to stretch the tolerance boundaries" is hypothetical and stupid if one hopes for a relationship to flourish. Jealousy is a right and proper feeling when rightly applied. It is justice (or fairness) outraged.

Of course jealousy must be contained if it is only the outcome of fear. That is a misuse of jealousy. Satan has two powerful weapons - lies and fear - and anything that is attached to either of those is destructive to the personality and its relationships. One can possibly learn to recognise the origin of the jealousy (actual flirtation, or fear of flirtation) in order to know how to treat it This is difficult when flirtation has already bruised one's soul, yet not impossible.

Perhaps the thing to remember is that you can't use jealousy (or anything else) to control a partner. All you can do is to choose (1) what boundaries you will apply to your relationship - what is acceptable to you and what is not, (2) where the unacceptable limit (point on the continuum) is for you, and (3) what happens when that cut-off point is reached.

The other point might be to keep firmly in mind what vision you have for your relationship. A man or woman without vision is poor indeed. Knowing clearly what is important for you in relationship (write it down, perhaps) will help you to know how to go about creating (or waiting for) the best possible scenario. What we will tolerate - put up with - is what we'll get! Is this the defining criterion for you? I think not! While no relationship is going to be perfect, and every relationship needs constant effort to make it flourish, (just like a garden!) it's certainly worth carefully selecting where that effort is going to be invested!

"What about my sex life in the meantime?" you might well ask. The way you treat others is the treatment you will draw towards yourself. You are prepared to abuse another by sex without commitment to the emotional welfare of the other? Then expect to be treated the same way yourself. Not only that, but expect to lose your sensitivities to the deeper possibilities of relationship when you treat it lightly. If you are willing to pour water all over your piano, don't expect it to be fine-tuned when you wish to play exquisite music at a later date!
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